Victoria's Secret
by zorradesombra
Summary: What if someone was watching when Edward left? What if they found sympathy for Bella to replace thier anger? This story explores that possibility and throws in the fact that Bella blocks out her year in Forks completely from her memory too. Rated for language and some violence. NOT SLASH. Also, FINAL CHAPTER UPDATED
1. Unexpected Aid

******A/N: I also published this one first on Twilighted. I came up with the idea out of the blue. As it stands, there is no additional story. However, I have been asked about doing more. We shall see though. If you have any opinions on the matter, let me know.**

**As always, I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I try to run after him, but I know that's hopeless. Edward _is_ a vampire after all. After the dozenth time that I trip, it all catches up with me. He doesn't love me… I crumble to the ground sobbing. All I can seem to do is draw each ragged breath to sustain my now worthless life.

"That was much crueler than what I was planning," a voice comes out of the shadows as I settle into just the occasional sniffle.

I can't even bring myself to move. I gave him everything…and he took it all with him. Edward has all I could ever give anyone. I barely register the sound of approaching footsteps. Cold arms scoop me up. Wind rushes by me. Who knows where we are going? Who knows who is taking me there? Better yet, who cares? Not me, I have nothing.

There's a bed beneath me. The room is dark, even though the window is open. Somewhere a door opens. I feel a needle in the bend of my arm. The bed shifts. I guess whoever us keeping track of me is sitting on the side of the bed. A cold hand brushes a strand of hai8r off of my face. As long as my eyes are closed, I can pretend it is Edward. Then, the memories come pouring back to me, completely unbidden. I turn my head away from the touch. Tears roll down my cheeks. Everything starts to fade…

Consciousness is a slippery thing. It comes and goes. That might be a blessing. It hurts too much to think about what was and what might have been. The bed shifts again. I can't even open my eyes. Suddenly I am just so tired. It feels like I have been awake for centuries, maybe I have…

A cool hand brushes my forehead. I sit up and look around. This is not my house. Where am I? Is mom here? There's an IV in my arm. Looking up, I meet a pair of crimson eyes. She is a beautiful woman with fiery red curls that stick out every which way. She looks a little wild, but for some reason I am not afraid of her at all.

"Who are you?" My voice sounds gravely, like I haven't used it in awhile.

"Victoria," she answers in a steady voice.

"Where am I?"

"You are in New York City," she never breaks eye contact.

"Where's my mom?" That makes her curious for some reason.

"Back in Florida, I'd imagine," she smiles a little at me.

"Back? We live in Phoenix with Phil," confusion fills my voice.

"That is…unexpected. Sweetheart, you were living in Forks when I first met you," she informs me.

"Forks? I hate Forks. But I have been considering moving in with Charlie…" I trail off.

"I guess your mind has blocked out your time in Forks as a defense mechanism," Victoria comments.

"Why would it do that?" I want to know if I have blocked out a part of my life because that upsets me a little that I would have to.

"You need to remember that for yourself. But you should know something about me," she pauses there.

"I am a vampire," she simply states. Why doesn't that statement really bother me?

"Like, sleep in a coffin, burned by sunlight, steak through the heart vampire?"

"No, those are stereotypes. The sun reflects off of a vampire's skin and reveals us for what we are. All of our teeth are sharp, not just fangs. We don't sleep and are not at all affected by religious regalia," she patiently explains.

"What do you feed on?" I have a tremor in my voice that I can't hide.

"Humans," she watches my reaction.

"Am I your next meal?"

"I was going to kill you to get back at the vampire that killed my mate, but I have changed my mind. It will be much more satisfying to have him see that we are friends," she has a wicked grin by the end of her answer. At least she is being honest with me.

"Oh, was I important to this vampire?"

"We both thought that you were," she replies.

"Victoria, I want to know. Did he hurt me?" I need to know the truth. No boy should be worth the trouble of blocking out a chunk of your life.

"Yes he did," she responds. Anger courses through my body. No one should be hurt to the point that they block memories while the other just walks away unscathed.

"I want to be strong enough to do something about this, should I run into him again," my hatred is growing for a vampire I don't even remember.

"I was hoping you would say that. A voluntary conversion is much more conducive to the whole 'let's be friends' thing."

"Will it hurt?" I sure hope not, but I fear it will.

"A lot, you will wish for death by the time it is over," Victoria waits for me to decide.

I don't remember the vampire that she is talking about, but the fact that I blocked out a chunk of my life for him makes me hate him. I know Victoria is being honest because I felt a pang at the first mention of this mysterious monster. I knew that he had hurt me at least. She has taken care of me for awhile by the looks of things. The IV must have been needed to keep nutritional needs under control. And I am still alive. That means that Victoria has had at least on opportunity to kill me and let it pass by…

"What about mom and Charlie?" I voice my concern.

"It's been three weeks since I brought you to New York. The search has been called off. They don't need to know anything more," she seems confused by my question.

"Shouldn't I give them some sort of closure? I mean, it obviously will be too dangerous for me to visit them. But I feel like I owe them something," I try to explain.

"I guess you could write them a letter telling them that the pain over Edward is too much and you needed to strike out on your own. But only one letter, otherwise they will try to track you down. I'll drop it at a small town post office in New England somewhere while you are changing. We will need to move to a small cabin I own. A newborn feeding frenzy would draw too much attention in a city. At the cabin, your impact will be minimal," Victoria says as she thinks out loud.

"Let's do that," I decide. Victoria hands me a pen and some paper.

_Mom and Dad,_

_ I just can't handle all of the memories anymore. Edward hurt me too much. I love you both, but I have to leave. I'm sorry. It's the only way for me to heal. I'll be thinking of you always._

_Love,_

_Bella_

"Short and to the point," I say as I hand Victoria my work.

"Are you sure you don't remember the time you spent in Forks?" she seems skeptical.

"I don't remember living in Forks," I assure her.

"Okay, I will mail this for you. Ready to go?" she inquires.

"As I'll ever be. Let's go," I answer.


	2. A Surprising Emotion

******A/N: This is the only chapter where Victoria is the POV. I originally thought that the whole story would be all Bella. But then Victoria's name is in the title, so I decided a little bit off of Bella. Let me know what you think if you want.**

**VICTORIA**

That bastard is going to pay for his actions. James was my mate. I will avenge his death. That girl's blood smelled special to James, not like mine had though. I was his singer, the only one he ever had the inclination to turn into a vampire. That was ages ago, though. She was a challenge and that coven made her his greatest challenge. She got away. That wisp of a human was the second prey to get away from my James. Sure, his reaction was painful. It made me wonder if he ever really loved me. But I still love him, even if he chose to chase that girl instead of leave with me. But once he has a target, there is no distracting him. Not that I have to be annoyed about that anymore. That bastard killed him over her. So I will kill her. She is his chosen mate after all. This will be a delicious revenge.

I run all the way back to that town in the middle of dreary Washington. I have to be careful to leave no trace of my return. That coven must not have any hint about what I am planning on doing. The only way to fully get my revenge is to make sure that she is truly important to them as a vampire coven, not just for their human cover story. The weak vampires that they are, they live with humans and not feed on them. Humans are our natural diet. To feed on animals is to deny our nature. If nothing else, this research teaches me their names. Edward is the one that is to be blamed for the death of my mate. He will suffer.

Hmm, the girl's birthday is apparently an event. She doesn't seem very happy about it, but she plays along. She certainly loves him. His disregard for her dislike of parties makes me pause at her importance to him. Jasper, the one who's mate is the only other of James' prey to escape his grasp, snaps at Bella when she accidently cuts her finger on some wrapping paper. That reminds me, what do they do when she is on her period? If a paper cut causes such a commotion among vampires who pride themselves on behaving around humans. This is rich, and a little amusing.

Today is the day that I will enact my revenge. Once he gives her some time at her home without him, I will strike. They won't see it coming and they will suffer for his actions. Then something happens that I did not see coming. Edward had been acting aloof since the party incident, but this? Can't he do this in a place where she can come apart in some kind of comfort? He is breaking her heart. I understand her pain. I felt the same way about James. I can't bring myself to be angry with her, only that awful vampire who has hurts us both. The only thing more surprising than his informing her that he does not love her is my sympathy. I have to say, she is hurting and he just keeps on crushing her spirit with his words. He runs off like the ass he is. She tries to follow. But let's face it. The poor girl is slow and clumsy. She trips a lot, and still persists in trying. That is devotion, even though he just turned her world inside out. She falls to the ground and starts to sob. I let her cry herself out. It all dies down to the occasional sniffle. I land lightly on the ground.

"That was much crueler than what I was planning," I comment.

She is not moving. I scoop her up in my arms and run east. Through the rest of the day and all night she just breathes and sniffles every so often. We stop at t a hotel when the sun rises. I guess the best place to go would be my apartment in New York City. I have accumulated several residences all over the world during my life with James and later Laurent too. We liked to keep then so we could travel and not worry about finding a place to stay everywhere.

It only took one more night to get to New York City. I settle her in the room that Laurent used before he ran scared during James' last hunt. She curls into a ball and slips in and out of consciousness. I decide to call Laurent and have him meet us here. He is open to a reunion and apologizes like the boneless wonder that he is about his betrayal. I tell him to pick up some medical supplies on his way here. Bella does not look like she will be in any condition to see to her own basic needs, so someone has to do it for her. That will probably end up being me, but that does not really bother me. I had my anger and plan for vengeance to help me through my own time of broken heart. She has nothing. Edward was her whole life, and he left her. Not only that, he basically told her she was worthless and unworthy of him. If I have to nurse her back, then I will. No one should have to go through all of that alone.

Laurent has been making comments about me going soft. He just doesn't understand the pain that is felt at rejection. He is too weak to actually do anything about his statements though. I walk into Bella's room to check her IV. Laurent looms over her still form. All I see is red. He has made his last mistake. I tear him apart and burn the pieces. She stirs a bit. I sit down on the bed and brush a lock of hair off of her forehead. She turns away and tears slide down her cheeks. Poor thing, the memories must just crash down on her every time she comes out of her slumber. I clean up the ashes. Stupid Laurent, he should have known better. I have to say that I will not miss him though. His sniveling always got on my nerve.

She doesn't remember anything from the time she was in Forks. That is shit. Edward twisted her heart so much that she just can't process it. Her mind just shut off that part of her memories to save her from the pain. I think we will be good friends. She wants to change. I will change her…or bleed her dry. I have never changed anyone before. The restraint involved always stopped me from even considering it. But there is a soft spot in my heart with Bella's name on it. I hope that I can change her. She deserves to live a full life and get revenge on the vampire that hurt her. She seems more bothered that Edward solicited such a response from her mind than that he hurt her. That's a healthy attitude, I guess. She also wants to give her parents some kind of closure. I don't know why, but she does. So I suggest a letter, which she writes. We stay one more night before moving to the cabin in the middle of nowhere so she can change and not draw attention to us.


	3. The Reaper

******A/N: On a side note, the content of this chapter inspired another fanfic that I will be posting here.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

It's been ten years since Victoria turned me. We discovered that I could reign in my thirst a lot better than most vampires who are centuries old. That was good. Since then we have become good friends. I have yet to remember the year that I lived in Forks. Tori has tried to help me. She has taken me to places to try and help me remember. I just don't remember anything. Even when we go to the remains of the ballet studio and she tell me about James, nothing comes back. I have decided that the only thing that matters is that I am now strong and capable. There is actually a lot of media about me because of that. The papers call me The Reaper.

The week after I turned, Tori and I went back to live in New York City for awhile. I stumbled across a rapist in action on my way to the blood bank. At the time I never thought I could take a life. When I saw what was happening, I just saw red. I mean, the guy was overpowering that poor teenager. I pulled him off of her and threw him into the wall on the other side of the alley. She looked at me with a mixture of terror and relief in her eyes. Fortunately it was in the wee hours of the morning, so there was no way she could see my face. I told her to go to the hospital to get checked out and tell them what happened. I turned my full attention on the scum that was before me as she scampered away from us. He started to struggle as I used his hair to put him back on his feet. He made a few attempts to talk me into letting him go. He had hurt that girl and he deserved to pay for it. I grabbed his knife and slit his throat. This bastard was not going to be the one to make me reveal the existence of my kind to the general public and get the attention of the Volturi. He screamed and I drained him dry. I dropped his body at the closest police precinct and went home to tell Tori what had happened.

She was not upset with me. In fact, she was pleased that I found a way to feed that did not conflict with my desire to be good. He was a bad man and I had made the streets a little bit safer by disposing of him. I realized that I had a very prominent sense of justice. It serves me well and the streets are that much safer because of me.

Not long after that, I came across a mother beating her child. My instinct took over once more. In the end, the children were taken into a foster home and the bitch's body was left at the precinct nearest to her apartment. That is when the idea first occurred to me. I could use my thirst to help those who could not help themselves. Those that preyed on innocents were worse than vampires. Vampires kill to eat. Villains hurt people to feel powerful and be in control. Those that I hunt deserve their fate. It is the only way that I could survive without reverting to raids on blood banks. My hunting pattern also gives me a purpose for my existence.

Tori and I have stayed in New York for the entire time I have been a vampire. That is why the newspapers know about me, sort of. All that anyone really knows, besides Tori and myself that is, is that villains of the city turn up as bodies dropped at the various precincts. The time when victims are a part of it, they can only say that a woman came out of nowhere and saved them. I guess I can live with the publicity as long as no one can look too far into it. I like the fact that I can make someplace safer even though I might be considered a monster if people knew that I was a vampire.

I have gone after rapists, murderers, and the like and believe it or not, there are more than enough to sate my thirst. I think that is part of the reason why Tori suggested that we stay here as long as I cannot be identified. Occasionally I talk her into going with me. Her heart is just not into it at all, but she tries to humor me. I appreciate her efforts a lot. We make quite the intimidating pair. Tori is just glad that I am not refusing my nature by not hunting humans. So I am a picky eater, at least I eat our natural food source.

Tori and I work in bars or clubs as bartenders or occasionally as musical acts. I learned to play a lot of instruments and can really sing since I turned. It's fun work that serves a purpose. I use it for researching human predators. Tori also uses our work time to chose who she will feed on. She tells me when she runs across someone that fits with my desired meal plan, but she herself is not as selective in general with her food. We make a good team. Our skill sets always gain us nightly employment. Though we usually only stay at on at a bar or club six months at the longest. It takes careful planning to make it to where we never work at a bar or club twice when they are owned by the same person or any of the staff is the same. But the effort is completely worth it to keep us from going on a frenzy due to partial starvation.

I very briefly thought about just hunting and feeding off of animals before that first night I killed someone. I don't know what made me think to do that though. Tori has never said anything about it. I think she would consider it an affront to what we are. In fact, I secretly call the option the 'vegetarian' possibility and that makes me a little uncomfortable about it. Maybe it has something to do with my forgotten year. I really hate that I have a forgotten year. It is very aggravating to not remember that fateful year.

A new scent distracts me from my aggravation. On closer inspection, I find that it is in fact several scents. There are new vampires in the city. I run home across the rooftops to inform my friend of this development. We are always much more careful when there is company. More of us means a greater chance at discovery by the humans and the possibility of intervention by the Volturi. I have not personally met any of the Volturi or their so-called Elite Guard, but Tori has told me enough about them to know that I don't want to.

"We have company in the city," I greet my friend.

"How many?" Tori asks me in return.

"I counted six scents going in the same direction and all together," I tell her.

"Because we need that big of a coven in this area," she sighs.


	4. Working Girl

**A/N: Here we have the beginning of Cullen influence...or interference...whichever. Enjoy!**

**BELLA**

I head off to the club that Tori and I are currently employed at. Whole our schedules usually coincide, I am covering for another girl who is sick and am therefore on my own for this shift. The place is fairly quiet considering it is only Tuesday night. There are a few regulars, but not much else is going on. The door opens and a short, pixie-esque girl with short, dark hair walks in. With her is a tall, leggy blonde with attitude to spare. They are both clearly vampires. I will have to steer them off from this area as Tori and I already live here. Suddenly they catch my scent and look in unison to where I am perched behind the bar. They both look shocked to see me. That is odd.

I wear contacts that need to be replaced every hour and a half or so, but they have eyes that are really a golden color. How can that happen when our eyes should show us for what we eat. They come on over in agonizing slowness. Okay, it is normal, human speed, but I know what they are and they know what I am and no one in here is any kind of alert at this hour. I prepare myself for the onslaught.

"Bella?" the pixie asks me.

"How do you know my name?" I respond. That catches them off guard.

"Because we know you from Forks," she tries to lead me to where she wants in the conversation.

"I don't recall ever living in Forks," I say snidely.

My boss decides to show up at that moment. She looks at the two girls and shakes her head. I guess I should have seen this reaction coming. The pixie looks like she could pass for twelve. But I haven't served them anything to drink, not that they would normally ask, so I have done nothing wrong.

"How old is she?" my boss barks at me.

"I don't know, hence why she has no drink. If you want something darlin', you will have to show me some ID," I inform the vampire before me.

"I guess you haven't served her so there is no rule breaking going on," my boss huffs and lumbers off to rattle some of the regulars into going home.

"We are closing soon so pick your poison," I throw in the vampires' direction before starting to clean up behind the bar.

"We don't want anything to drink…" the blonde starts to sneer.

"Then you know where the door is, back the way you came," I interrupt and walk from behind the bar to clean off the tables with glasses on them.

The pair of them stares after me for a minute before they head out the door. Why even come in here? What did they mean, they knew me from Forks? I remember what Tori told me about the vampire coven that left me defenseless. But there were seven of them and I only caught six new scents, unless the last one came in later or from another direction alone. By the time the bar closes and I head home, I have dismissed the incident.

Three nights have passed since that shift and every time I head to the club a vampire is hanging around, watching me. Tonight Tori and I are working together. When I told her about the incident she told me we should move to another job if it was making me uncomfortable. We have been at this club almost five months, moving to a new one would not be a bad idea. So we decided that tonight was our last shift. We walk to work together.

About two hours before closing, another vampire comes to visit. I recognize him as one of the ones that are watching me. He has kind of a soldier's physique and wavy blonde hair. There are scars from battles with other vampires all over his exposed skin. I have a matching mark on my arm from the run-in with James. Tori told me everything since I have changed. She doesn't want to force me to do anything since we truly became friends. I don't know why she showed mercy towards me, but I am glad that she did.

It is Saturday night, so the club is hopping, so to speak. Women all over the place start eyeing the vampire like he is their ticket to salvation. I will have to be careful about how I approach him with so many witnesses around.

He sits at the bar and looks at me. Almost visible waves of calm flow out from him, but they have no effect on me. Okay, I can actually see the waves. One of my abilities as a vampire is the ability to see any ability of any vampire. He has a special gift as a vampire then. This could prove interesting. Under my scrutiny, he holds back his effects and looks back. We look at each other for a minute. Tori does not interfere unless I ask her too. She feels that I can take care of myself, which I can. That attitude comforts me. It always has, for some unknown or unremembered reason. Something is nagging at the back of my mind.

_The blonde vampire snaps at me. I fall. There is blood._

The flash of possible memory takes me off guard. He must be one of the vampires in the coven that left me in Forks. I hold in the sneer that I want to show him. The less that that coven knows, the better for Tori and me. I walk over and stand in front of him. Tori watches to see what I do.

"Can I see some ID darlin'?" I ask him because he looks young.

"I'm not really interested in a drink," he tells me.

"Then why come into a club alone?" I keep things light.

"I heard that someone I know works here," he comments, also keeping things light for the benefit of the humans around us. That makes me wary.

"I'm sorry to tell you, but only Tori and I work tonight," I inform him.

"You look a lot like her," he says. I know he thinks that I will take the bait, but I won't.

"I'm sure I would remember meeting someone like you," I tease the confused vampire.

He just sits there and watches me through the rest of my shift. Tori and I work like he is not even here. He doesn't order anything. He doesn't say anything. He just watches from his perch at the bar. _Jasper_. Why does that name come to mind? It fits the vampire sitting there, but I should not know his name. He has an odd expression on his face. I guess he thought that I would remember him. I can see the waves of calm that he tries to send my way. Vampire gifts do not work on me at all. Tori calls me an island in our community. I don't know if I would go that far though.

Closing time comes and Jasper leaves. Tori and I take the scenic route home, like we have since the coven came to the city. It takes a little longer than usual to shake the vampires following us. We have to cross over our own path and double back a few times to pull it off. It is worth it though to keep them from finding out where we live and harassing me there.


	5. The Good Doctor

**A/N: I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

It's been a couple of months. Tori and I have had to be especially careful. The coven seems to be everywhere. One of the scents has gone away. Jasper has left the city for whatever reason. I think about the two girl vamps that came to that club that night. I feel like their names are just on the tip of my tongue. I turn the corner and head with Tori to the bar we are currently employed at. Tori had brought up our leaving for somewhere else, but that option does not sit well with me. I told her she should go ahead and move for awhile. It would be safer for her. She refused to leave. I am not surprised. She has a soft spot for jilted women. I think this goes back to how things ended with James, if not before.

I don't know anything about her life before she was turned. Tori keeps that part to herself. I can't bring myself to press her for information or stories. There is a haunted look that comes over her face every so often. I just know that she is thinking of that life. Sometimes I tease her on good days, calling it 'Victoria's Secret.' She laughs, on those ever so rare good days, and says that I need to stick to working at bars and not in comedy clubs. I will admit that the good days are few and very far between.

A familiar noise stops me in my tracks. Tori nods at me, but keeps heading on to the bar. She will cover for me while I take care of this issue. I turn down an alley to find the kind of predator that I hunt. There is a limp form of a girl before him. He has beaten to the point of unconsciousness. He stands before her unfastening his pants. I can't wait. I leap at him. He kind of turns a little to look at me, but he does not get very far. I ram him against the wall. Pulling out the 3 inch pocket knife that Tori had gotten me on the one year anniversary of my becoming a vampire I snarl at him. The man flinches a little. I inflict a cut for every bruise on the girl's body. The man cries out a few times before I crush his jaw. I hold back my thirst because this bastard needs to learn that his actions have consequences. Negative behavior results in negative experiences for that person if I have anything to say about it. I drain him dry once he joins his victim in unconsciousness. There is nothing like the bittersweet taste of justice.

The girl proves to be problematic. I can't leave her here. I hoist her to my shoulder and carry her and the body of her attacker to the nearest police station. I drop his body and head towards the hospital a few blocks away. I smell a vampire and stop in my tracks. I had been so consumed with ignoring my thirst for the poor girl's blood that I had grown lax in my caution. Another fair haired vampire approaches me. Briefly I felt like a deer in headlights, but that faded as quickly as it came. Somehow, instinctually, I feel safe.

_I am lying in a pool of my own blood. My hand burns like it only can with vampire venom. My leg is numb. That must be where the blood is coming from. The back of my head is throbbing. Shattered glass is everywhere. I can barely focus. Suddenly his face is in front of mine. Concern fills his eyes. I am sad looking at him but worried about something that I can't put my finger on. He looks to my leg and starts to work to stop the blood loss._

The flashback stuns me briefly, just long enough for him to walk up to me. I arrange my expression to show nothing of my inside turmoil.

"Bella, what happened?" he asks me quickly.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I ask him. I know I should be more focused on the girl, but this coven just assuming that I would want them to just come up to me, even if I did remember who they were, after the way they left me just burns me up. He looks surprised at the hostility I could not keep from my question.

"I'm sorry. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. What happened to the girl?" he tries to start over, but he looks a little shaken at my reaction.

"She was attacked and needs medical attention. Since you are a doctor, I will leave her in your hopefully capable hands," I say as I hand her to him.

He seems speechless at my comment, but I don't wait for him to recover before I turn around. I get to the end of the block and take a sharp turn. There is blood on my shirt from my trip to the hospital. Usually I do not have to worry about mussing my clothes, but this was an unusual case. I make a quick right turn and launch myself onto the rooftop of that building. I check around me and find that I am thankfully alone. I head back to the apartment to change my shirt.

When it is all said and done, I walk into the bar, a mere half hour late for my shift. Tori greets me with a nod. She is curious, but always allows me my space. I really need to talk to her about these flashbacks. If I had one with Jasper and one with Carlisle, why didn't I have one with the two girl vamps? This is all very confusing. I need guidance, not that Tori will do that. She is much too big a fan of people making their own decisions. She wants what's best for me and feels that only I can really decide that. It has been this way since she turned me, which is odd because every other vampire that we have run into that knew her already seems to have an entirely different image of her.

We work through our shift and walk out together. The coven must not have found this place yet because we walk without anyone following us. I tell her about what happened when I went off to take care of the attacker. She listens patiently until I finish. We usually don't talk about my work as The Reaper because she does not understand my drive to better the world for people. Tori supports me anyway, which is why we are so close. I get to the end of my story and she looks at me.

"I don't know about these flashes of possible memories," I confess to my friend.

"You can't fight your past," she tells me.

"But I like the way my life is now," I whine a little. Tori smiles a little at me.

"That year you don't remember is very important to you. You might change your mind about how you live your life when you can remember it," she says sadly.

"I don't know about that. We are great friends and my life is fine the way that it is," I pout.


	6. A Tank

**A/N: I admit it, I have a soft spot for Emmett and his energy.**

**BELLA**

I know Tori thinks that I should look into these flashbacks, but I just don't know what good it will do. She insists that just because she thought they were bring cruel, doesn't mean that they were being cruel. Why does Tori want me to go for this? Maybe I did like this coven at one point in my existence, but they forfeit any rights where I am concerned the minute that they left me behind. I blocked out that whole year because of them. They don't deserve for me to remember them.

Tonight I am heading to work. Most vampires find this kind of life tedious an unnecessary. Tori puts up with it so that I will not be alone. We have talked about it before, but she won't budge. We have a lot in common it seems in the area of victims of love. I'm sure that she doesn't want to be alone either. I mean, the Volturi tend to disregard individual vampires wandering around. Why deal with those guys if you don't have to? Tori is actually surprised that they have not paid us a visit yet. Apparently they collect vampires like me for their Elite Guard. I don't think so.

As I approach the bar I see the form of what can only be called a tank of a vampire. He looks very concerned. I tilt my head and look at him. He seems very open, like anything he says he really means and yet he gives off an easy-going vibe. Clearly he has unnatural strength, even for a vampire.

_There is a big Jeep that has complicated seatbelts. The blonde girl vamp is hanging around the tank. Their names are Rosalie and Emmett. They love each other even though she is stuck up and painful._

Man, these flashes have to stop. I mean it. They are driving me up a wall.

"Hey, Bella," he tentatively greets me.

"I don't know how you know who I am, but you should just leave me alone buddy," I snarl at him.

"We spent a lot of time together for like a year," he tries.

"And yet, I don't remember you. So shove off," I start to go around him.

"Wait, please. I don't understand," he pleads. For some reason I just can't bring myself to shut down the teddy bear before me.

"There is nothing to understand. As far as I can remember, I never lived in Forks. I don't know who you are. Why can't you all just leave me alone?" I don't know what makes me tell him about my memory issue, but I don't regret it.

He follows me into the bar and parks it on a stool. I grin a little at his obviously protective designs for tonight. I don't know how he found me, but I have to say I feel a little happy that he did. Wait, what did I just think? I like my life the way that it is, just me and Tori. This vampire coven is not wanted…I think.

Emmett watches me. I interact with the customers as they come. I sass anyone and everyone who tries something. This layer of attitude is what makes me able to work in these environments. Emmett seems to get a kick out of what he sees me doing and hears me saying. A quiet period comes around.

"I'm Emmett Cullen, by the way. I just want you to know that," he tells me.

"Like the good doctor who presumed to know who I am," I comment.

"Yeah, he's kind of like my dad. We do know who you are," he says.

"No, you know who I was. You all have no idea who I am now. I have a completely different life and not one member of your coven have any ideas about," I snap. This whole thing is starting to get on my nerves.

"I suppose you are right. Would it be okay if we got to know you again, though?" he asks.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea. I would rather you all just get on with your own lives and leave Tori and me to ours," I sigh. It's not that his offer doesn't tempt me, but I cannot abandon the vampire that has been through so much with me.

Emmett nods and then remains silent through the rest of my shift. Tori comes to relieve me behind the bar. True to form, she says nothing about Emmett, even though there is no way she could have missed him sitting there. He glares at some poor guy who checks out my ass as I leave. Emmett follows me out the door. He starts to say something to me, but then closes his mouth. I don't wait for him to change his mind. I head off in the wrong direction to allow for time to shake the inevitable vampire trying to track me to where I live. Emmett dutifully stays by the bar door until I turn the corner.

No one follows me home, but I take a complicated route anyway. There is no substitute for caution when you don't want someone to find out where you live. Moving jobs is one thing, moving from our apartment is not an option. That place means a lot to Tori. Even though it came from the time she ran with James and Laurent, she holds it dear. It's the closest thing to a home that she has had since she turned in to a vampire. I will not let her lose it.

I turn over my encounters with the coven and the flashbacks that go with them. Some things are coming back a bit. Everything is fuzzy though. My mind is fighting to keep that year hidden. I wish I could keep it hidden, but what if I can't? I don't want to consider what that year could do. I know all about the thing with James from Victoria. She told me about how she had hunted me and that she wanted to kill me to get back at Edward for killing James. She has been honest and open with me about everything in her life as a vampire. I can't blame her for her actions then because they lead to the friendship we share now. What would have happened if she had left me there and I had to wake up with Charlie and have no idea why I was in Washington? I mean, really, that would have been awful. I would have been alone and had no way of escaping the inexplicable weight of sorrow that I had at first. I owe Tori a lot and that coven means nothing to me now. She might not want me to close the door on that year, but I can't leave it open. If, for whatever reason, that year changes where I want to be, would Tori go with me? I can't handle it if she just fades away from my life. That would not be fair to her. She has always supported me, so I will return the favor.


	7. The Pixie Returns

**A/N:I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I refuse any and all reasons to move jobs…again…because of the coven. I am a confident and powerful vampire. I should totally be able to handle this kind of thing. Running away is the path of the cowardly. I think that it took this long for me to finally be able to say that, come what may, I can accept it. These flashes are way annoying though. I really like the way my life is and don't want to change anything about it.

Tori is acting weird. It's like she sees something coming that I can't and she has completely accepted it. I just don't understand. Granted it is a very subtle shift, but the shift is there. I ask her about it and ask her about it, but all she does is shrug and give me a slightly sad grin. She doesn't think that I am going to choose that coven over her? I know she would never ask me to make that choice, but they might. I would never do that. Even if my memories of that year in Forks come back and I really am in love with that guy, I could never hurt her like that.

Once more we are walking to work. This time there are no distractions along the way. We get there on time and head behind the bar. Not too long after that, that pixie of a vampire prances in and settles in the last stool at the bar. She doesn't order, just sits there and watches like her brethren did. I sigh and go to stand before her. It's quiet tonight, so I might as well get this over with.

_ A baseball game is suddenly before me. The seven members of the coven are playing. There is a guy with bronze hair whose face is fuzzy. Alice suddenly stops pitching and looks out to the tree line. She is having a vision. Three vampires come through the trees. Victoria is one of them. The coven converges around me for my own protection because I am a weak human._

"What can I get you?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"I'm Alice," she tells me. The memory flash already told me that.

"What can I get you?" I repeat in a bored tone.

"I don't want anything to drink. I just want to talk to you," she replies.

"Well, I think I might be able to spare a second," I say dryly as I make a show of looking around the bar. She is literally the only patron at the moment.

"Don't you know me, Bella?" she asks quietly.

"I do not," I state firmly. Will this line of questioning never end?

"Why can't I see you?" She must mean in her visions. Even if I didn't have the flash of memory about her I would have known this. Her eyes have a soft glow around them that I might be the only one who sees it.

"Because no 'special' talents work on me," I tell her.

"How did you know I was talking about visions?" she seems a little excited by the fact that I might have slipped up.

"One of my 'special' talents is to be able to see them in others," I have to be vague. You never know when a human will come in.

"Oh," she deflates. Tori can't hold back a small grin at her reaction.

"Is there some reason that your coven is so fascinated with me? I'm not even sure the Volturi know that I exist," I say.

"You were a big part of our lives for awhile. We all became attached to you. Edward even loved you in his own moody way. And we are a family, not a coven," she explains.

"Well, the point is that you have not been in my life for a long time and it is irksome that you all just assume that you still know me at all," I snap at her.

"We didn't want to leave you behind," she pouts.

"And yet, you still did. That tells me that I was obviously not that important to any of you," I inform her.

"How can you think that?" she seems so sad.

"I know that, not because I remember anything about you, which I don't. But because I have been here since I changed and not one of you has ever come to find me before," I turn away from her.

Alice makes a speaking sound, but does not say anything else. I work through a brief rush of customers with Tori. We ignore the pixie altogether until the place starts emptying out.

"Bella, can I walk you home after your shift?" Alice asks me.

"I think that would be a bad idea. I want my living space to stay private and I don't know any of you," I tell her.

"Okay, I can understand that. Would you be willing to get to know us again?" she changes tactics.

"I'm not sure at this point. You need to know that I like my life the way that it is," I tell her.

"You mean with Victoria?" she tries so hard not to sneer.

"Tori is my friend, and anything that involves me involves her too. She has been completely honest with me about our original encounters," I defend Tori.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything," Alice backpedals.

I sigh and grab my jacket that I carry just for show. Tori joins me at the door and we exit the bar together. Alice follows us out the door, but quickly heads off in her own direction. Tori and I walk home in silence.

"Maybe they will stop bothering me now," I comment as I stand in front of the window.

"I wouldn't count on it. They do seem rather attached still," Tori informs me.

"That is not helpful," I pout a little at her.

"Be that as it may, you need to really consider letting them back in," she says while chuckling at me.

"Why would I do that?" I ask incredulously.

"Because they meant a lot to you once upon a time and they could come to mean a lot to you again," she sighs.

"Why are you taking their side? They don't even seem to like you," I can't help but point out Alice's reaction.

"That's just because the coven that I was with at the time showed them just how fragile you can be," she defends them. That strikes me as very odd.

"I can't believe how understanding you are being," I tell her.

"Let me ask you something. When you woke up and I explained what I was, you were very casual about leaving your family. Why do you think that was?" she completely throws me off by saying.

"I haven't really thought about it. What does that have to do with anything?" I am so confused.

"Well, when you learned that I was a vampire, I think that you knew what that meant. You couldn't live with people because of the thirst issue…" she starts off.

"So, by my acceptance of this I was protecting my parents. The reason that it was so quickly decided should probably tell me something?" I have no idea where she is going with this.

"Something like, maybe, you had already decided that you would be leaving your family when you decided that you wanted to be with Edward," she finishes for me.

"To be with a vampire, one should eventually be turned into a vampire. That would be something awful for my parents to live through. Telling them was not an option because of those damned Volturi," I finally get it.

"You got it," she assures me.

"But I still don't get your point," I tell her in defeat.

"You had decided to be with him, and his coven, whether or not you knew it." Why does Tori sound so smug?


	8. Vanity Flaunted

**A/N: To be honest, I waffle about Rosalie. Sometimes I like her, sometimes I don't. Anyway, Enjoy!**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I am still amazed at Tori's insight. I guess I was willing to be with that coven once. Tori is way too good a friend to me. Now I have more to consider. Tonight I am solo as I head to work. Tori starts later and then works later, but most of our shifts overlap. I am not surprised to see the tall, blonde girl vamp waiting for me with her arms crossed.

_Rosalie is all glares and attitude. She cares most about herself with Emmett in a distant second. Vanity is her main trait. She has never liked me. In fact, she thought of me only as a security threat for the family. If she had had her way, I would have been 'taken care of' when they found out that I knew what the Cullen family was made up of._

Rosalie, is it? For some reason that name suites her in my mind. I instantly feel a dislike between us. She just glares at me as I brush past her without acknowledging her existence. Like those that came before her, she parks it in the last stool at the bar and waits for a quiet moment. For whatever reason there always is a quiet moment whenever one of that coven shows up. I hate that so much.

"You made Alice cry," she tells me.

"Vampires can't cry," I point out too quietly for the few humans to hear.

"So you know what we are, but you don't know us," she matches my tone.

"In case you didn't notice, Blondie, I am just like you in that aspect," I sneer.

"Like you could ever be as amazing as I am," she snorts.

I look at her and then turn my attention back to my job. She huffs a bit, but as there are real customers, she deals with it. Rolling her eyes, she tries a few times to start a conversation that humans can't hear. I ignore her attempt. She gets more than a little agitated with a man hits on me while I pour his drink and follows my lead by ignoring her. Seriously? Vanity thy name is Rosalie. I'm just saying. I work for awhile while she gets more and more like a fussy two year old.

"I didn't mean it," she says insincerely the next time the stools around the bar empty out for a bit…

"I don't believe you," I inform her.

"You might be right, but I promised my family I would behave," she states with a glowering look.

"Well then you broke your promise," I state while keeping eye contact. She does not intimidate me and I will not have her think that she might.

"Look, I know that I am a bitch. But Edward really and truly loves you which is something that he has never given me even a chance to see if we could be that way. I have Emmett and he is great, don't get me wrong," she starts chattering.

"You are just used to getting attention from every guy within a fifty mile radius," I role my eyes now.

"How I feel does not matter. Edward has been a complete mess since we left Forks. His whining and self-pity is bringing the whole family down with him," she sighs.

"And yet he has not found me since, huh. I find that interesting. If he loved me so much, why would he leave me defenseless? It was good fortune that Tori was there and she took care of me when I needed it most," I have had enough of this. I thought that I might want to take Tori's advice and get to know the coven better, but this girl is too much.

"She was hunting you…" Rosalie starts what can only be a hateful rant.

"I know, but that does not change the fact that she did not kill me. In fact, she has taken much better care of me than anyone in your coven will ever know," I interrupt. I'm glad that Tori isn't here yet. She shouldn't have to sit through this.

Once more, Rosalie reverts back into a moody, martyr-like silence. Good grief. Can she see herself at all? Why would Emmett want a toddler that craves attention at the expense of those around her? He deserves better, I think. All I know is that I have good feelings towards him and only bad feelings towards her. I refuse to play this game anymore. I wait for Tori to get here and then head to the stock room. An inventory has not been taken in like a month. It is way overdue. And if doing this meant that I can have some blissful time away from that bitch, then that is just icing on the cake.

The rest of my shift crawls by. I finish the inventory and then head back to the front. I can't abandon Tori to Rosalie for too long. One of them might injure the other. Okay, there might be an all out chick fight that could destroy the bar and possibly the surrounding buildings. They glare at each other a lot. Near as I can tell though, they have not spoken to each other at all. Tori is respecting my feelings in this area. I don't know what Rosalie is doing. Her promise to behave was shot to hell before Tori even got here, so it can't be that. I shrug and wave to Tori as I leave. Little motions like that make humans more comfortable around us and therefore they are less suspicious of us.

Rosalie follows me out the door. I walk to the end of the block wither right behind me. Way to be subtle Blondie. You have the discretion of an elephant walking across a room. I shake my head and stop. Rosalie grabs my arm. Before she can say anything, I spin around and throw her to the ground. Clearly she was not expecting that kind of response from me.

"Mind the personal space and I won't have to take a limb to prove my point," I snarl at her.

"You think you are all that now that you are a vampire, but you can never compare to me," she throws back. I lean in closer to her face.

"Maybe I won't take a limb, maybe I will go straight for that pretty little face of yours. Wounds inflicted with venom scar forever, you know," acid drips off of my words. Her eyes get wide and she leans away from me.

Having put her in her place, I bear my teeth at her and walk away. She doesn't follow me. I still take a long and twisted way back home. I can't believe her gall. Well, I can believe it, but I shouldn't have to. Does no one respect a person's feelings or space anymore? Why would I want to get to know a coven that refuses to show me any kind of consideration? They should consider that. I was not bluffing about going for Rosalie's face. She victimizes people and vampires with her looks, so she should be fully prepared to lose them. That would teach her about inner beauty. Humans won't really see the scars, but other vampires will and that will have to do.

I shake myself out of my thoughts just before I hit my block. I feel a little thirsty. It has been a couple of days since I last fed. Taking a sharp turn I start to look for some prey to sate my need for blood. Of course, being in New York City it does not take very long to locate what I am looking for at all. I leave behind the events with that coven and saturate my mind with the task before me.


	9. Kind Eyes

**A/N: I figured that Bella needed a break from the crazy and Esme seemed like the right choice. I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

The next night I am still fuming about Rosalie's attitude. Let's face it, letting go was never one of my strong suites. But come on, who does she think she is? Tori seems to find my annoyance amusing. She keeps looking at me and smiling. Occasionally there is a little bit of a laugh that escapes her. I can't seem to get very irritated with my friend though. Soon we are both smiling as we head into the bar. I insisted that we not let our lives be affected by that coven and Tori just accepts it. I swear she knows something that I don't. I have tried and tried to figure it out. When that proved fruitless, I tried to pry the information from her but she just played dumb.

We work our shift. It's rather uneventful. No new plague is sent by the coven. That is, until we get off. There is a female vampire waiting outside the door, wringing her hands and looking worried. She has the kindest eyes I have ever seen.

_A beautifully done house sitting in a clearing and surrounded by large trees suddenly surrounds me. The vampire's name is Esme and her ability is that she unconditionally loves those around her. She is the perfect fit for the good doctor, Carlisle. Her kindness is endless and the glue that binds the coven and makes it a family._

Tori does not even glance my way as she starts to head off. Esme offers a small smile at my friend. That is a first for the coven…I mean, family…whatever it is. Tori returns the smile and nods as she heads off. Esme and I just stand there and look at each other.

"Hello Bella. I'm Esme. I know that you don't remember me, or have any reason not to walk away after Rosalie's performance last night, but I was wondering if we could talk?" she rambles a little. How can you not find her endearing?

"Sure," I answer her. We start walking together.

"I know that we hurt you when we left. And even though you don't remember it, I still wanted to apologize. I am really and truly sorry for that pain, my dear. We should never have left you all alone. It's just that Edward went on a rampage and we were concerned for him. He was in serious danger of hurting himself or others. He crushed himself by breaking your heart. He went tearing off and we had to follow him to make sure that he did not hurt himself or others. But there is no excuse for what we did," she rushes through.

"Esme, you need to slow down. I accept you're apology, but that still does not change anything," I inform her.

"I know, you have a life that I have no doubt you like. Oh my, you have red eyes," she gasps. I guess this set of contacts dissolved. Good thing it is dark outside.

"Of course my eyes are red. I am a vampire, you know," I respond. Her reaction confuses me.

"I didn't mean…I just thought that you might have a hard time with human blood. When you were human you became faint at the sight of a drop of it," she tries to cover.

"If my feeding on people is a problem, then you all need to stop trying to talk some sense into the wayward Bella," I stop walking to tell her. Her kind eyes grow wide.

"Is that what you think we are doing?" she asks in disbelief.

"I know that is what you are doing. Well, not you personally. But your coven is doing that," I assure her of my knowledge.

"Sweetheart, I would never. I mean, I know that the others feel that all you need is to get your memory back. But I know that that concept takes away your current life and all that has happened since we last saw you in Forks. Victoria is a bit harder to swallow for them. She has changed because of you, just like we did," she explains to me.

"Tori and I are a package deal. She didn't leave me when I needed someone the most. I have no intentions of ditching her just because I got a better offer, not that I am convinced that your coven is better," I tell her honestly. I might as well drill this point in. They might not like Tori from past experiences, but they will just have to deal.

"Carlisle and I understand that. The kids just need a little time. They will come around, I know it. Please, just consider getting to know is again," Esme pleads with me.

"Who is missing?" I suddenly change the subject.

"I beg your pardon?" she is confused.

"Tori told me that your coven had seven vampires in it the last time she saw you. I only smell six scent trails though," I explain my question.

"Oh, Edward is not with us. After we caught up with him, Edward decided that he needed time to come to terms with his actions. We have only seen him a handful of times since then. He usually calls to tell us when he goes somewhere new. Actually, after talking with you, Emmett and Jasper went after him," she says sheepishly. Esme is acting like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar after their mom told them no sweets.

The rest of the conversation is about nothing at all really. I still don't know what I want to do about the coven, but I did bond a little with Esme. It all makes me think about what Tori has been saying. What if I get back that year and I find out that I do want to get to know them again? Where would that leave Tori? She has taken care of me and taught me how to feed my thirst without garnering attention. I can't leave her behind. Will it work for both of us to get to know the coven? Tori doesn't seem to harbor any inclination of doing that, but I could still ask her I guess. She has never pressured me about anything. I don't know if I can even ask her without making her fell like I want to get to know them better at the expense of spending time with her.

Tori interrupts my thoughts when she comes home. She looks at me and I try to smile. She purses her lips and heads to the kitchen. We keep a supply of blood in the fridge for snacks and emergencies. Now that I think of it, I don't know when the last time she hunted was. That could be dangerous.

"Hey Tori, when was the last time you hunted?" I inquire.

"It's been a few weeks," she shrugs me off as she grabs a bag of blood.

"You know you shouldn't let this kind of thing go," I tell her.

"I know," she answers me.

"Want me to go hunting with you?" I push the issue.

"You don't hunt like I do, sweetheart. Besides, I can take care of myself," she dismisses my concerns as she sips from the bag.

"I know that you can. I'm just worried about your eating habits lately…" I trail off.


	10. Flashes

**A/N: Things may seem a little disconnected, but it will all come together, promise. R&R if you so desire.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

It's been eight days since I realized Tori was not really feeding. Her personality seems more upbeat, but she is losing some of her glow. Any accidentally injuries are taking longer to heal. So far, she just sips about half a bag of blood every so often and that is all I have seen. I went to a blood bank where I know a worker. He sells me however many bags I need. I have stocked the entire fridge to the point of bursting and Tori still only goes for about half a bag every few days. If a vampire could starve themselves to death, I would think that she was trying to die that way. The real question is why. Why would she suddenly get on a self-destructive streak? I just can't get her to tell me anything. We have had conversation after conversation that has ended up being a sort of dance around the central issues. Tori needs to talk to someone about whatever is bothering her and I am the only one close enough to actually help.

Tori and I are on our way to our shifts at the bar. A van comes barreling around the corner and slides a little.

_Another van sliding is sliding on ice but I don't notice it at first. I am looking at the tires on my decrepit truck that I totally love. Charlie put chains on my tires. That is thoughtful and completely like him. The sound of skidding tires breaks through my sentimental haze. I look up into certain death. Out of nowhere, Edward pulls me out of the way and keeps the van from crushing me. There is a sudden pain as my head hits the pavement. I was bewildered because at that point I didn't know about vampires. The response is incredible. An ambulance takes us to the hospital. I am angry because Edward rides in the front while I have to be treated like I am injured, which I am not. Things get a little hazy, not because it was hazy then but because the memories are struggling to come through. Suddenly I am standing before Edward and we are arguing. I want him to explain how he got to me so quickly. He is refusing to tell me. I suspect something, but I don't really know what direction I should look for my answer. Edward stops speaking to me._

"Bella, we need to get out of the street before the humans notice the pause," Tori says as she pulls me along with her.

"Sorry, I was having a flashback," I explain to her as I start to move forward on my own power.

"That's a good sign," my friend comments as she keeps pace towards our destination.

"How do you mean?" I am so lost.

"Well, that is a step in the right direction. Before you know it, you will be remembering everything and spending time with a sort of family," she sounds like that is obvious.

"You are my family," I inform her.

"But they were your family once. You need to make peace with your past before you can find peace again," she channels some kind of sage.

"Where did that come from?" I ask in surprise.

"Experience," she tells me as she enters the bar.

There is more to this conversation than meets the eye. Tori has certainly piqued my interest. I will definitely be bringing this up again later. She is my family now and that is what is important. They left me alone. That coven just left my life. If they can decide that their lives are better without me in them without even giving me some warning, I think, then I can return the favor. And just like that, white hot fury courses through my veins. My sense of justice will not be satisfied until the coven suffers like I did. Losing a whole year of your life to the abyss is a terrible price and someone will have to pay for it.

My mind wanders to a new question as I take my place behind the bar with Tori. Will Edward be making an appearance? More important though, will everything come back when I see him? There have only been flashes so far. I just don't know how this is going to end. Tori seems to think that it will end well, but I don't hold out that much hope. Edward could be the breaking point. Hopefully he will not be the breaking point of my apparently fragile sanity.

"Bella?" Tori interrupts my thoughts.

"Huh?" I respond so eloquently. Man, even as a vampire I still sound like an idiot every so often.

"Are you planning on actually working your shift or would you rather hide in the back room to think about the implications of the coven's appearance?" she teases me.

"You are so hilarious," is my answer.

Tori just smirks at me and fills orders. I join her in her efforts. It does not take too long before the door opens and a vampire comes through. Do I never get a break from them? IS there no way to make them leave me alone? This is really starting to annoy. They decided to leave, I should be able to decide when I am ready to deal with them.

"You would have never decided that you were ready to deal with them," Tori once more breaks through the fog of my mind.

"How is it that you can seemingly read my mind?" I ask my friend.

"You are just so easy to read," she tells me.

_I am sitting in a biology lab in Forks High School. Edward has decided to try and get to know me after freaking out when we met. He was gone for almost a week. I don't know how to interpret this attention considering he was hateful to the point of crazy that first day. I don't know how, but he seems to be reading me like a book. The assurances that I am, in fact, very difficult to read do nothing to alleviate my embarrassment. My mother always said I was her open book._

Tori nudges me. I look at her to see what she wants. The resulting nod guides my gaze to the vampire that entered the bar and I had so far ignored. I don't recognize the face, but it has to be Edward right? He is lean and has the most unusual shade of hair. It is almost copper. Well, as close to copper as hair can get. His eyes match the others in that coven. I wonder if my eyes would look like that if I started feeding on only animals, not that that is an option for me anymore. He looks at me. His eyes are filled with confusion, regret, and…hurt? That is unexpected. Tori nudges me once more and then points to the back door and then turns her attention to the patrons at the bar.

I take her silent advice and head for that door. The vampire follows after me like I somehow knew he would. We make our way out to the alley that the door leads to. Once the door closes, I turn to face him. He looks like he is trying to decide something. His face clears and he looks determined. Suddenly he flies across the alley and pins me to the wall. His lips crash into mine. Passion and love flow through the contact. I should push him away, but some vestige of my former self takes control of my body and keeps me motionless. He pulls away and leans his forehead on mine. His eyes look deeply into mine and everything from that year comes violently rushing back to me.


	11. Conflicting Nature

**A/N: Edward is baaaaaaaack. Okay, you knew this, but still. I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I come to my senses and push Edward off of me. How dare he basically assault me in an alley when he should know good and well that I didn't remember him? I mean seriously, who does he think he is? I storm back into the bar and situate myself next to Tori behind the counter. She doesn't look at me and I don't look at her. We work our way through our shift without any more visitors from that damn coven. I fume the whole night. The customers don't seem to notice though.

When we get home I get ready to head out to hunt. Tori watches me leave with a sad look in her eyes. I try to give her a smile, but we both know that it is half-hearted at best. We will talk later, but right now I have a lot of aggression and anger to work out before that. I don't want to have an episode that ends in one of us injured. Granted injuries don't last long on vampires, but still.

The night air is refreshing. I steer clear of any vampire trails as I make my way towards a part of the city I haven't hit for awhile. Before long a cry rings out. There is a robbery in progress at some liquor store. Hmm, it's not the crime I usually look for, but it is still a crime. When the poor guy behind the counter gets shot as the two thugs leave the store. That seals it. I stalk after them until they turn off into an alley. They can't see that path leads to a dead in. I land lightly on the ground at the mouth of the alley. Following in the shadows, I make enough noise so that they know they are not alone. One of them keeps peering around in an effort to catch a glimpse of me, too bad she can't see in the dark. The other one starts to pick up the pace as they speed towards the wall. Well, speed by human standards. That delicious feeling that my prey has no escape and has yet to realize it starts to flow through me. They reach the end of the dark alley and turn to look for another path only to find none. They turn and look warily into the dark. They can't see me, but they know someone is there. I step to where everything but my face is out of the shadows. They foolishly grin at each other and then look back at me. It's almost a shame that they cannot see my smirk. It might have driven their plight home.

"Hey sweetie, do you know that this area is dangerous at this time of night? You should beware of creeps," one of the guys says.

"Yeah, there are perverts everywhere," the other adds as they both slink towards me.

"I'm sure you are in more danger than I," I inform them.

"I wouldn't count on it toots," the first one snarls as he launches himself at me.

I smile at him as I easily dodge his slimy body. I snap a foot out and break one of his legs. His partner in crime stops slinking towards me at the sound of the snapping. They both seems to understand the situation a little more clearly now. I wait for the terror to sink into them. It does not take long. This moment might be a little more delicious than when they were trapped and didn't know it. Their emotional turmoil feeds me almost as much as their blood will shortly. The first one whimpers as he tries to crawl away. I easily grab the foot of his broken leg and send him at his friend. There is a scream of agony as the bone breaks through the skin. The smell does not assault me like it does other vampires. I can easily ignore it and move towards the second one. He cowers and tries to shrink into the wall behind it.

"P..p..p..please don't kill me," he pleads.

"What about your comrade?" I ask him.

"Uh…" he cannot respond.

"I see," I say.

I launch at them too fast for them to see me. I take the second one and drain him dry. The first one looks on in horror. I grin at him and let a little blood drip from the corners of my mouth. He cries out, but does not really try to get away. I take him next then I drop the bodies off and head back.

I am starting to feel bad. I left Tori all by herself with no explanation of any sort. She has been nothing but honest and nice to me since Edward left me. I can't even begin to say bad things about her from the time I just recently started to remember. She was in love and did what would make her love happy. I would have done the same thing had I been in her position. Now she must feel like I am rejecting her based on my newly acquired memories. Just thinking about them makes me feel off.

Suddenly my old love for Edward sends me to my knees. I hate him for his terrible actions, yet I still love him. I want him to suffer for the way he treated me, but I want him to be happy. My human nature is at conflict with my vampire nature. I manage to make myself stand up and slowly walk back. Tori was right. These memories change things. They are making them way complicated. I will not let them rule my life. I won't let him know that he has any effect on me. However, I do have to comes to some sort of peace with my apparently dual natures.

I make it back to the apartment. Tori is not there, but she left me a not saying that she went out hunting too and would be back by dawn. For some reason I do not fully understand, I do not believe her. She hasn't really eaten for awhile. Would she really start again in full force? But what else could she be hunting? I guess I will ask her when she gets in.

A few hours later, Tori walks in. She does not smell like blood and is still frail looking so I know that she didn't hunt to feed. I go to ask her about it, but she avoids me and heads straight into her room. The door closes before I can say anything at all. This is not good. I wonder what is going on in that mind of hers. This would be a good time to have Edward's ability. I sigh and sit outside her door. If she needs anything at all, I will be ready and waiting. She looks like she needs to be taken care of like she took care of me when Edward left me so cruelly.


	12. Changes

**A/N: As always, I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

It has been weeks since Tori has left her room. A vampire can't really commit suicide though. I remember Carlisle's tale. I refuse to leave the apartment for any reason than to hunt. My trips out are as short as I can make them. She needs me. I have run across the Cullen family a few times. They wave and I nod, but then I head off so that I can return. I have checked on Tori a few times. I think I am going to have to do something I did not want to have to consider, but she is my dearest friend and she needs help that I cannot provide for her.

The next time I go out I run across the very vampire I need to talk to. He notices me and waves. I look at him. He gives me a small smile and waits. I walk up to him at a pace that humans will not find odd.

"Hello, Bella," Carlisle greets me warmly, if a bit hesitantly.

"Hello, Carlisle. I need to ask you to do me a favor, if you would," I cut right to the chase.

"Of course, Bella, anything you need," he assures me quietly.

"Discretion is needed in this area," I tell him.

"I can handle that," he responds.

"Tori is not doing well," I start the story.

"You need me to examine her as a doctor?" he asks.

"If you think you can do it without holding any past actions against her," I can't help but sneer a little at the thought.

"Don't worry, I will be the very definition of professional behavior," he tries to alleviate my concerns.

I take him back to our apartment, knowing that I will probably regret this a lot, later down the road. He will try to keep it away from Edward's probing, of that I am sure. Carlisle doesn't try to force idle chat, just follows me to the apartment that Tori and I live in.

I open the door and usher the good doctor in. To his credit he does not look around. I appreciate that because the less information that Edward has to go on, the better for me. Caslilse follows me to Tori's door. I knock. There is no answer, not that I thought there would be.

"Tori, I brought a doctor to examine you," I say before I open the door.

She just sits on the bed and stares out the window. I have never seen a vampire look so frail. It breaks my heart a little every time I see her. Carlisle does not react. He simply goes over to stand in front of her.

"Hello my dear, I just want to see what's happening to you," he says is a soothing voice.

"There is nothing wrong with me," Tori responds in a voice that sounds as dead as she looks.

"It's just a reflex. She hasn't said anything else or even reacted any differently to anything that I have said to her," I inform him, the worry evident in my voice.

Carlisle nods and goes about his examination. I just stand there, watching his movements and becoming more and more concerned about my friend. It does not take him long to complete whatever he is doing and motions me out of the room with him.

"When did this behavior start?" he asks me.

"About the time you all showed up, I guess. I can get her to drink only a enough to survive," I explain.

"I see. Well, I have never seen anything like this. I'm sorry Bella, but I don't know what to do except keep a close eye on her," Carlisle sounds like he thinks he has disappointed me.

"What would that entail?" I can't hold the question in.

"Well, I would usually move her in with us, but that might not be the wisest decision all things considered," he answers quickly.

We actually own this whole floor. Tori and I systematically purchased every single apartment individually since we started living here after my change. The Cullen family could move here. That would make it to where Tori won't have to be moved out of her familiar room. It would also mean that we won't have to change any of our standing deliveries. That is the best option, but it is not what I wanted. I wanted space between me and them…or at least me and Edward. This will be a big sacrifice, but then again, Tori has sacrificed a lot for me. I will not be able to look at myself at all if I don't take care of her like she took care of me. I sigh as I reach my decision.

"Carlisle, Tori and I own this whole floor. You all can move in here," I can't muster any enthusiasm while I offer.

"That is very generous of you, but we don't want to make you uncomfortable at all. Esme and I can just come," he tries to ease my obvious reluctance.

"I won't ask your family to split up. Everyone is welcome as long as only you and Esme ever enter this apartment," I tell him.

"I think that is fair. I will call them and tell them of the arrangements, but I would really like to stay close to Tori in case anything changes," Carlisle decides out loud.

I nod and head back into Tori's room to sit with her. I can hear Carlisle talking to each of the members of his family and explaining the details of the arrangement. I am surprised when Edward proves to not debate that. In fact he sounds downright defeated. I feel a slight pang of sympathy for him but I squash it down as quickly as it surfaces. I have nothing to feel badly about. He left me. He vanished. He assaulted me when he saw me again. If anything, he should feel worse for it all.

I sit there through it all. They move in. I can hear them. Emmett and Rosalie decide to christen their new apartment. Alice is worried about me and Tori. Jasper does what he can to make her more balanced emotionally. Edward skulks around his apartment, which is the farthest away from the one Tori and I call home. Esme comes in to check on us. I greet her warmly, but stay watchful of Tori. Carlisle joins us shortly after. They seem to be watching me as much as Tori. I guess I am acting a little strange. They will just have to deal with it though.

"When was the last time you hunted, my dear?" Esme asks me gently while Carlisle listens closely to hear my answer.

"Um, a couple days ago I guess," I answer.

"Well, I will stay right here whenever you go hunting," she assures me.

"I think Alice wanted to talk to you," Carlisle comments.

"Okay," I say.

I get up and walk to the apartment that Alice has completely redone since she and Jasper moved in. I might as well get this thing over with. She will be relentless until I talk to her. It will start small with things like telling Carlisle and/or Esme that she wants to talk to me for a few days in a row. Then it will grow to her leaving a few messages on my phone and several written notes that she will slip under my door. That phase will last at least a week. Then she will go straight to following me around to every place that I go and alternating between pouting and whining until I eventually snap and kill her. So, when it is all said and done, it is just better to get through it now before she has a chance to rack up a week long speech for me to sit through.


	13. Direction

**A/N: This is the only chapter where Edward gets a say. He is the one changing, so it makes sense. It came out choppy. That is just the way it wrote itself out. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**EDWARD**

Bella is very different. I don't know if we can ever be together. She really and truly believed what I told her on that awful day. What was I thinking? She is the reason I have survived so long. Without my immortality, I would have not known true love. The same quality I cursed before is the one that made it to where I could know my soul mate. This is just beyond frustrating. I love her, but she does not even like me anymore. I can't blame her for that. I hate myself for what I said to her, what I did to her, that terrible day. I crushed the woman that I love. Of course she does not really want to have me around. I was away for so long. I never went to find her. It was only a coincidence that my family came across her at all. There is no reason for her to believe anything other than what I told her. And then I basically attacked her when I saw her again.

She is on her way to talk to Alice. The footsteps tell me that she is taking her time getting there though. Alice had some sort of vision about Bella and me, but she is blocking me out. I don't want to know. She could have seen Bella pushing me away and never looking back. That would be exactly what I deserve. I just can't handle them talking about me in that way, so I head out to walk. Okay, I head out to run once I hit the edge of the city. There has to be time to fix whatever is wrong with Bella and me.

I run and run, but the stress does not dissipate. There is only Bella on my mind. Nothing else can penetrate the Bella fog. I find myself in the middle of nowhere and far from New York. There are trees all around me. I don't really care to think about where I am other than to note those trees. Suddenly I stop. It's like I hit a wall and then got stuck in cement. My feet won't move, my arms stay locked at my side, and my head stays rigidly facing in front of me. In that moment everything falls together.

I thought that I loved Bella before, but I didn't respect her enough to allow her to do anything. I was a terrible, overbearing idiot. I treated her like the porcelain doll I thought she was. I had put her up on an impossible pedestal. She had baulked a bit, but I had always thought that was because she simply did not understand the true danger of doing things. Now, however, I am plagued by that behavior. What had I been thinking? She was, and still is, a vibrant person. How could I have ever thought to try and control that? Am I just thinking about it because she is now immortal? I didn't want her to change before, but now I can't even remember why.

My direction in life has changed just as suddenly as I stopped running just a few minutes ago. I realized that I no longer had any desire to do that. Even though I know it sounds completely corny, I just want to walk through existence with her now just like she is. I look at the relationships around me. They are not anything like I wanted my relationship to be with Bella when she was human. Why is it different now?

I turn and run back. I need to talk to Carlisle. This is too big for me to handle by myself. It feels like it did the day that I met Bella. Have I shifted again to fit with Bella in a healthier relationship? Can that happen? I have only ever heard of a vampire shifting like this once. But, to be fair, they seem to do much better with that change than I did.

On the way back, I decide that I might not need to talk to Carlisle just yet. I really should mull it over myself first. I have no idea how to even start that conversation. There is no direction for the conversation to go in. What do I even want out of the discussion? Don't I already know that something has changed inside? Why am I acting like some smitten teenager? I have lived a long time. Maturity has never really been a weak point for me, but suddenly I am acting as young as I look. I mean, look at me, at the first sign of change I go running back to daddy. I am pathetic.

I can take care of this myself. There is just this sense of certainty that Bella and I belong together to guide me. I know we are meant to be. I know that I can convince her that I only told her lies when I left her. I can only hope that one day I can also convince her to give me another chance. My instincts tell me that should her memory come back, she will just be angry with me while still being in love. Without her memories, she just knows to be angry at me. Okay, I did launch myself at her the only really time I have seen her. When we moved, she was sitting with Tori. Now there is a relationship that I do not understand. What made Tori turn Bella instead of using her to make me suffer? Something happened after I left. Will I ever know what happened?

As Victoria, she was painful and only a source of conflict for all of my family and Bella. But as Tori, she is Bella's close friend and until recently guardian of sorts. I have read all the stories in the newspapers that dub Bella the Reaper. It would seem that while her diet consists of humans, but only those who dwell in the seedy underbelly of society. Tori, it would seem, is not the same way because the articles only talk about enough people to feed one vampire. It's odd that they would still stay together when their hunting habits are so different.

I arrive back in my room. Everything is quiet, with the exception of Rosalie and Emmett of course. I settle in to start planning. While I am uncertain about how to handle this change in me, I do know that I can only be whole with Bella.


	14. Tori

**A/N: I think that you should be glad that I have finished this story and the rest is on its way. When I posted it to Twilighted, those readers were not so lucky.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I finally make it to Alice. She seems really subdued. I don't get it. She wanted to talk to me and now she is very quiet. How am I supposed to take this? She is slightly imbalanced. She just sits there and stares at me. Edward stalks out for one of his infamous runs. Suddenly I realize what she was waiting for. I guess I should have seen that one coming.

"So, I can't see you at all. Why do you think that is?" she starts.

"Of course you can't see me at all, that's part of my special ability set. No other power works on me. I bet Jasper can't even tell what I am feeling," I answer.

"He can't, which is a relief for him," she comments.

"What is it that you actually want, Alice?" I lose my patience.

"I can't see us either," she says.

"Is there a point coming sometime soon?" I ask when she pauses.

"I don't know if I like it," she says that like it is obvious.

"If you don't like it, then leave me alone. I'm not forcing you to be here, Alice," I can't believe she is taking me away from Tori, who needs me, for this.

"That's not what I meant…" she stutters.

"Look, Tori is sick. She needs me. And you are taking up my time to whine like a little girl who lost her doll. Please, just leave me to being there for Tori. She stood by me, by the way, which is something that you cannot say. So, if you want to moan and groan, then tell it to Jasper. He's your husband, that is part of the job description," I cut her off and follow Edward's lead and stalk back home.

Who does she think she is? That Alice is going to drive me insane. I can barely even remember why I liked her in the first place. Was she this whiny before? I would think I would have noticed. There is no way I will ever be able to put up with that martyr thing. That is ridiculous on a whole new level. I wish Tori was able to help me out with this. She usually balances out my angry streak. I know it is weird that I am the one that needs calming, considering the fact that she dated James. Her special power is the ability to escape, but I think she has exceptional patience too.

Carlisle and Esme are out hunting, so I know I will be alone with Tori for a bit. I close the door behind me. There is no reason for me to be this angry, really. I know it must be hard on Alice, but seriously. Why did she have to pull out all the drama to talk about it? I mean, come on. I fume all the way to Tori's room, not that it takes me very long to get there. I knock. There is no answer. I figured there wouldn't be, but there is no substitute for being courteous of someone's privacy.

I swing open the door. I can't believe it. She's not there. On her bed there is a journal where she should be. Other than that, there is absolutely nothing else of hers that is left behind. I am in awe. How did she get past us all? Okay, I know how she did it. She is just that amazing at finding a way out. For some reason, I'm not losing it though. There's just this calm that surrounds me.

I examine the journal. The cover is worn leather with the words 'Victoria's Secret' lightly burned into it. As I pick it up, a piece of paper slides out. I easily catch it before it hits the floor. I open it to discover it is a note to me from Tori.

_Bella,_

_ Today I came across the scents of the Cullen family. You haven't seemed to notice them yet as you take a different route home. I know that Edward hurt you, but you really need to think about how you are going to deal with that. When I first saw him break your heart in that clearing, all I could see was James and me. I felt sorry for you and I didn't expect that. I took care of you while you were really out of it. During that time though, I paid a nurse to come in for a week or so. I intended to hunt him down and make him realize his mistake. It took a couple of days, but I eventually caught up with him. What I found was a broken man. He had pushed away his family and was alone. When I saw him, my anger melted away and all I could feel was pity. I quietly left him be. He never knew that I was there. I got back here and decided to come up with a plan to reunite you two. You both are meant to be together. You woke up with no memories of Forks, so I had to get creative with my planning. I decided that we would stay in New York City until they came back to their house near it. Everything worked out when you started your diet of criminals. Your sense of justice is because you thought he had played with you. He did not. I could tell when I saw him. I knew when I smelled them that you would regain your memories soon enough. Please, hear what your heart tells you. Don't push him away. That's not to say you shouldn't make him sweat a bit for his terrible methods in trying to protect you._

_ I will stop eating for awhile. If that doesn't convince you to see Dr. Cullen, then I will move on to silence. The only way you will give any of them a fair shake is to have them move in. I know this is extreme, but I don't know any other way to convince you. So I will do what I have to do. There is something that I haven't told you, Bella. Your escapades have drawn…unwanted and very dangerous attention from the Volturi. Jane has dropped by the city. I met with her and found that any more attention would make them look into which one of us is 'the Reaper' and I can't have that. Once the Cullen family moves in, I will go to them and confess. You never really had a taste for human blood, despite what you may try to argue. I will take their punishment, but you must promise to stop hunting down criminals in one place for many years. Really, I think you will switch to a vegetarian diet like they way your new family eats. Don't worry, Bella. I know what I am doing._

_ This is my journal. I never really talked about my past with you. This tome contains entries from well before I became a vampire. You can do what you want with it. It might explain a few things about me that you did not know._

_Please be careful so that my sacrifice is not in vain,_

_Tori_


	15. Freak Out

**A/N: I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

"Damn it Tori! I'm a shield, not a freaking bloodhound!" I yell as I leap neatly through the open window.

I'm not going to lie, I am completely freaking out. Tori is my friend. She has stood by me for years. I made the headlines. The punishment should be mine. Why would she keep the fact that the Volturi were investigating a secret from me? I can really answer that if I am being honest with myself. She knew that my sense of justice would have mandated that I take the blame for whatever it is that pissed of the Volturi because I was the one hunting criminals. I have to try and stop her. Her gift will make that hard. That thought only drives me to go faster.

It does not take long for the Cullen family to start to catch up with me. Edward is, of course, closing in first. Soon we are side by side. I can hear the others, but they stay behind a bit.

"Where are we going?" he finally asks me when he realizes that I am not going to volunteer the information.

"Italy," is my response and I push to go faster. He easily stays with me.

"Tori is going to the Volturi?" he exclaims.

"To take my punishment," I say.

"For what?"he is way confused.

"The powers that be find my work too revealing of the existence of vampires. Tori kept the investigation of sorts from me. Now she is trying to give us a chance to be what she thinks we are destined to be by offering herself up and saying that she killed those criminals," I rush through.

"But when Aro touches her, he will know the truth," he quietly points out. As painful as it is for me to admit, he does make a valid point with this.

I slow down. Edward overshoots me as he guesses incorrectly that I would have another burst of speed. We are at the airport. Unbeknownst to my friends, Tori and I invested in a private plane and pay a pilot to be on call all day, every day. I pull out my cell and tell him I want to fly to Italy. He tells me he will be ready in half an hour at the very longest. The Cullen family sits with me while we wait.

What happens when Aro does touch Tori? She can't get around that. My shield has to have some sort of range. I guess it might not though. I shield her because she is my friend. We have never really tested any sort of limit. It is possible, albeit highly unlikely. Really, the more likely choice is for her to push someone like Jane to fulfill the punishment before Aro has the chance to touch her. Knowing Tori, she will find a way to do that to protect me once again. I hate this. I suppose there is one more option. Could she be giving me the closure that I gave my parents? If she is, then she would not be in Italy. Hmm, we are still going to Italy. If she is headed there, then that is the destination with an actual time limit on it. If she is not there, then I will scour the globe. The Cullen family may follow if they wish, but I need to do this with or without them. Tori deserves it.

My mood lulls the Cullen family members into complete silence as they wait for me to at least look less pissed. How can I not be pissed? How could I not see this one coming? I'm sure there were signs. I was too distracted to notice. I should have been paying better attention. I want to blame Edward so badly, but I know that is not fair. I brought this about myself. Maybe Tori is right. Maybe I do have too defined a sense of justice to behave long enough to really give Edward a chance.

The pilot arrives in a big hurry. This is the first time I have called him last minute. He catches the air of urgency and does not dally with greetings. We are on the plane shortly and still quiet. This flight might just be the longest that I have ever been on. In an effort to pass the time productively, I open up the journal. Its contents could lead to some kind of clue as to how exactly I am going to catch a vampire that cannot be caught before she dies for my actions. The first entry is as good a place to start as any.

_ I always swore I would never use this ridiculous journal my father gave me for my birthday one year, but I just have so much to talk about now and no one to talk to about it. I met someone. I know he is beneath me socially and I don't care. My mother has trained me to look for a match that would benefit our family. While we are not very affluent, we are by no means poor. We are well above the match I want to make._

_His name is Jesse. He works in the orchard that my father owns. His hair is the most beautiful red. His eyes are the most intoxicating green. When he looked in my eyes, it was like time slowed down and we were the only two in the whole world that mattered. That feeling is much better than anything my mother or father has ever purchased for me. Perhaps money cannot buy happiness. Mother was wrong when she said that money was everything. Of course, if my parents knew that I was thinking this way, they would be scandalized. Can you imagine? Me, the daughter of an overseer, in love with a mere worker. I know it has to be love. He is perfect for me, the calm to my energy._

_ We spent the whole day just talking. He has some ideas about how he can save money to improve his station. Jesse was not born into poverty. He is simply an orphan whose inheritance was taken by an ogre of a relative. To think, his parents trusted that relative with their only son and he betrayed that trust! It is almost too much. But dear Jesse forgives his uncle. Jesse says that to live in anger is a terrible waste of a life. I want to hunt down this uncle and tell him what's what. But that would violate the confidence in which Jesse told me his troubles. I felt a little foolish because not five minutes before he told me of his misfortune, I was complaining about the social events mother was forcing me to participate in._

_ Perhaps one day, Jesse and I will be wed. I know we just met today and we hardly know each other, but I can't help but hope. I just know we are meant to be together. I can feel it every time I see or think about him. Our stations may demand different matches, but our hearts demand only each other. Surely love can offer enough for one to live on less than one is accustomed to. I would give up anything to be with Jesse…_


	16. Timing

**A/N: Anyone notice how Bella hasn't noticed that they are following to help her regardless of how they may or may not feel about Tori?**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

We finally touch down. The pilot knows to stay with the plane until we get back. I just hope we get back before too long. It's right about then that I realize. Tori did not fly here with our pilot because he was still at home. If she is flying commercially, then we just might have gotten here before her.

"Can one of you wait here in case she took a commercial flight? The rest can do a systematic approach to searching the city itself. I will look at her favorite haunts," I say and then head off before anyone can answer.

I head off to a pub that we visit at least six times a year. Even though time is of the essence, I sit down at our table and open up her journal once more.

_ Jesse asked me to marry him today. We have known each other but months and yet it seems as though we have known each other our whole lives. Of course I told him that nothing would make me happier. The sad part is that we will have to elope. Father has made his opinion on the union perfectly clear since he caught us in a kiss that once. He can rant and rave all he wants to. I will be Jesse's wife and we will be happy, even if we only have each other._

_ Ever since father caught us, Jesse and I have had to find an alternate locale for our brief moments together. It is this little inn we have spent hours in the dining room. In all of Italy, it is now my most loved place. This location holds a special place in my heart. Jesse and I will come here for every anniversary and every celebration as long as we live._

_ Mother met a man today that she feels is better suited for a match. Father agreed with her, of course. This man is new to town. While he is a little odd, the fortune he has garners the praise of the entire village. His name is James. I have only met him but once and yet I feel he is dangerous. He holds an exclusive property that no one is allowed to visit. There are not even servants to see to his needs. What kind of man would live like that with a fortune to his name? Mother feels he took a fancy to me however, so my opinion is not even asked by my parents. They know that I wish to be with Jesse._

_ This James has been married once. It is said that his wife died of mysterious circumstances not too long after they were wed. It is implied that he had something to do with it. I'm not sure what to believe. I mean, how can a man kill his wife after so short a term of marriage? Surely there is another explanation. Perhaps there was an accident. Not that the truth matters. I will not wed him for I love Jesse with all that is within me. Marriage should be a union based on love. Mother tells me that she learned to love father later. Father says something similar. Their marriage was arranged to benefit both families with the match. Why should I learn to love James later when I love Jesse so completely now?_

_ Jesse told me that he only wants what is best for me. Well, he is what is best for me. What good is having all the riches in all the world if I am miserable for my entire life. I told Jesse this and he told me that as long as I wanted him, he would be there for me. My heart melted at that. Whose heart would not melt at being told that?_

Something catches my eye. I think I see a glimmer of red. It is gone before I can even get to the door. While it is possible that I imagined it, I'm pretty sure that Tori was just here. This could be a sign to hit another spot that Tori and I usually hit. Hmm, the next stop should be the inn we stay at. For some reason Tori pays for rent on a room there. Having just read a portion of her diary, I do have to wonder if it is the same inn. Unlikely, but possible all things considered. I will have to ask her when we stop her, which we will do. The inn is just across the way and it takes me less than a few minutes to get there even though I am walking at a normal human pace.

The room is not in use. Tori would not be so obvious. Her power is evasion, after all. I can't bring myself to leave. Somehow I feel like I should cling to the places I feel close to Tori. That is irrational because she is not dead. She won't die because we will stop her. I need to talk about her letter to me. Even though she did not actually say it, I think she feels that timing is the issue with Edward in I. The timing is right for us now. We are ready for each other. The first time around, the timing was off. I was too much of a pushover and Edward was too overpowering. He felt he knew what was best for me more than I did. Now we are on even footing, I guess. Maybe she is right. Maybe the timing is right.

I sit on the bed in Tori's part of the suite and open her journal to read on.

_Jesse asked me to be his wife. He loves me. I love him. All should be perfect in the world. I am learning, however, that the world is not so kind to those who inhabit it. My father will be outraged if I tell him. He feels that Jesse is beneath me and I should marry James. Mother will be scandalized if I tell her. She thinks that James is more suited to our family's position in the community. She also believes that James fancies me. I don't think that. We have not often been in the same place and when we are he is distracted by one strumpet or another. We would not be a good match even if that match would elevate my family's status in surrounding communities._

_ The chase is all that James seems to care about. Once he has caught a lady, he uses her and then discards her just as quickly. I suppose I will soon draw his attention as I will not even consider him as a potential suitor. That chase would give him a better thrill than the girls that so easily throw themselves at him. James is handsome and charming. His words flow like poetry but feel like they are being said by a snake. I cannot say that he does not intrigue me, but my heart belongs to Jesse and there is just something about this James that seems…different._


	17. Tori's Death

**A/N: I know the title is dramatic, but you will see its purpose. Enjoy!**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I have to keep moving. Tori needs me to be more focused. But reading her journal is highly addictive. Now that I have started reading, I have to read it all. Somehow I manage to tear myself away in order to at least move locations. I left hefty bribes at the inn and the pub so that if someone sees Tori, they will send me word. I move on to the fountain. This is by far my favorite place in the city. Tori and I usually sit and read here when it is cloudy. I take up the usual bench we inhabit. Taking a deep and very unnecessary breath, I look around me. There are a few couples having moments. Some random people are milling about, catching up on gossip, and running errands. While there are a few red heads that briefly make me think they are Tori, she is not anywhere in sight. A little disheartened, I open up her journal to read some more.

_ Jesse is gone. Father told me the news. Mother seemed to think that I would fly into hysterics. I did not. I just feel…empty inside. It's like my heart is ripped out. But I don't cry. There is only emptiness. I sit in my room all day. I simply cannot eat. Mother tries to entice me to nibble something to keep up my strength. What is the point? The man that I love is dead. His body was found in the orchard. We were supposed to meet there later that night. We were going to elope. Now I will be alone. Even if I marry for the sake of my family, I will still be alone. I cannot love another as I have loved Jesse. Tears just will not come, but I feel as drained as if I have cried every moment since I learned of my poor beloved's fate. _

_ Father did not think that I heard the details of Jesse's fate, but I did. I was packing a satchel in my room when I heard someone come to our door. Normally I would have waited to be called down if my presence was desired. That time I should have been happy that my parents would be distracted enough to not notice that I was holed up in my room. If they had caught me packing, I would not have been able to meet with Jesse. For some reason though, I felt like I needed to hear what was going on. I don't know really what made me quietly leave my room an perch at the top of the staircase._

_ Someone had found Jesse's body in our orchard. It looked like he had been attacked by some kind of animal. One of the men that came to our house said that is looked a lot like an attack by a wolf, but the marks would have to be made by an abnormally large wolf. The other men agreed. They were hinting at an attack by a werewolf. Sometimes people can just be superstitious. If such an animal really existed, people would have seen them by now. Legends are just ways to scare people into following certain rules like stay out of the forest at night. The dark can't really hide anything…_

The entry just ends there. It's like there should be more, but it just stops. Perhaps she was interrupted. I just don't know. Maybe I should move locales, but I really want to know what happens next. One more entry can't hurt, right? The next page has handwriting that is different. The letters still look like Tori is writing them, but something has changed. There are no more dates from here to the end. The same strange writing continues through the rest of the journal. The funny thing is that the handwriting that I know is Tori's does not really look like either sample in this book. It's more like a weird combination of the two. It is definitely closer to the first sample though. The second sample is harsher.

_ What does it matter about dates anymore? The last entry is cut off. While I was writing it, the sound of splintering wood filled the air. In my haste to see what was happening, I dropped my journal and it slid under my bed to rest near the bag I had packed to elope with Jesse. Before I could even make it to the door of my room, my mother's scream echoed throughout the house. At the top of the stairs, I saw the pool of blood on our floor. In the middle of the pool was father. He was pale and lifeless. I could tell that before I ran to my parents' room. That is where I found mother…well, what was left of her anyway. There were pieces all over the room. I ran in horror. When I got to the front door, someone was waiting there for me. James caught me as I tripped and stumbled out of the house. All I could do was try to get away from the carnage._

_ James picked me up and carried me far away. It was like we were flying. No one can move that fast. When we got to wherever he took us, James explained everything to me. He is a vampire. I believed him. Had I not known that he was different? After what happened to Jesse and my parents, I was hardly in a place to judge what is real and what is not. James told me that a real werewolf had taken the lives of those that I loved. I questioned him about it in detail. As much as I wanted to never think of either event again, I needed to know that it was in fact a werewolf and not a vampire. James made a point to say that vampires hunt to feed. They need the blood. That makes sense to me and explains his red eyes. Werewolves, he told me, hunted both for food and for fun. My beloved Jesse had accidentally come across a werewolf while it was changing. My family was just unfortunate to live so close to the tree line._

_ I suppose I was lucky that James was nearby hunting. He saved me. James offered me an opportunity to enact revenge upon the ones that destroyed my life. I did not have it within me to deny him the chance. I was suddenly filled with anger that could not be sated. I had to take the offer. I was alone because of these werewolves. James promised me that I would have his aide for as long as I needed it. I asked him what was in it for him. His reply startled me. He was looking for a mate. I told him that I did not love him. He replied that he was tired of human girls and wanted on of his kind to stand by him for eternity. He was not looking for love. I agreed then. If all I had to do was stand by him, then that was something I could do. It was not even a sacrifice as I had no one else and a sudden thirst for vengeance._


	18. A Glimpse

**A/N: I know that the jumps between what is happening with Bella and Tori's journal entries can be abrupt. I like the journal entries though. I always wondered about Victoria's back story, so I made my own.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

There was a flash of red just out of my field of vision, I'm sure of it. But when I look around there is nothing. I try to follow it down an alley. Really there is no reason to believe that I am following anything at all and yet I am. I have to keep going, even if I don't know why. Turn after turn and I keep on going. Before I know it, I am standing in front of the gate of a park. This is confusing. Tori and I don't visit this park. Why would I head here? There's another bit of red that flashes and is gone. I follow it into the park and walk to a bench. There is a small red flower sitting on the edge. I know it seems ridiculous, but I think that it is there for me. I sit down and Tori's journal falls from my bag. I look down and notice that the book fell open to an entry that I have not read yet. Picking it up at human pace so that I don't draw attention to myself, I start to read once more.

_ James confessed everything to me today. It was not really a werewolf that killed my beloved Jesse or my parents. It was him. He had to feed and Jesse was there. Vampires are not allowed to alert humans to their existence. That is why he made it look like animal attacks. Somehow I knew the truth before he told me. I believed him at the time, but as we grew closer I figured it out. James told me that I was the only girl to ever dismiss him and that made me worthy of his full attention. My parents were safe until the night he decided to take me for his mate. They encouraged a relationship with James after all. I don't believe him about Jesse not being intentionally targeted. In order for him to get me, his competition had to disappear. Besides, James thrills at the hunt. He would not simply take a target that was there. He wanted me for a mate because I was a challenge to get and would probably be a challenge to keep by his side. That might be one of the reasons behind him telling me the truth. _

_ There is more to it though. I find that even though I can take care of myself I don't want to be alone. James has taught me everything about the world of vampires. We have fun together. As much as it pains me to say this, mother might be right. Love is not everything. I think that I do love him though, in a way. It not the same as it was with Jesse, but there is still this bond between James and myself. I can't explain it well, but it's like we are connected in a way that makes us really and truly mates, not just mates because we say that we are. I see that James acts the same way. Love is just different in the vampire world I guess. I can hunt anyone I want. I can even have relationships with any vampires that I want too. That being said, James has the same openness. It's like we are two single vampires that happen to end up together at the end of the day or night. We always come back to each other and that is what matters. Sometimes he strays for a bit and sometimes I stray for a bit. I like this new concept of being with someone._

That is weird. I mean, I know that Tori changed when she decided to be friends with me and not tear me to shreds, but this is way different. My head might just be spinning a bit. Edward changed when he met me. Granted we were both off in the whole timing thing, but there were still changes. Tori changed to fit with James. But then, he changed to get her too. It's like I have slipped through the looking glass and am in Wonderland. Only this Wonderland is twisted way beyond wrong. What am I even thinking? Tori changed and then changed again. It's like she became a mix of her human and vampire personas. A little humanization did not kill her. In fact, it drove her to this point. I drove her here. If she hadn't become my friend, she would not be in this position let alone be willing to die for someone else's actions…

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward's voice comes out of nowhere. I look up and he is sitting next to me. Wow, I was so lost in my thoughts that I did not even notice his approach.

"Just lost in a swirling vortex of guilt, responsibility, and extreme ends of feelings," I comment and let out a great sigh with a whoosh.

"You haven't changed in that at least. You still hold the cares of the world on your shoulders. Victoria is a grown vampire. She made her own choice," Edward tells me as he takes my hand in his. For some reason I don't feel the need to jerk my hand away.

"If I had not taken to the diet that I did, she would not be in this position," I explain to him like I would explain to a toddler. I add an eye roll for emphasis.

"If I had not left you like an idiot, we all would be in a different situation," he counters. My eyes narrow and he looks at the ground.

"I am angry about that, but not for the reason you think," I inform him as I stand and walk back towards the park exit. Edward hangs back, though I know that he wants to come with me and demand that I explain myself. He made the right choice and it does prove to me that he is changing to fit with me.

That's a thought. He is fitting himself to me. Last time we were together, he had changed some and I changed. I became a kind of doormat. The part that I hate most is that when he told me that he did not love me and then left me alone…I lost it. I completely cracked. No one should have that much of an effect on anyone and I will not allow it to happen to me again.

I suddenly see another glimpse of red. I hurry, well at a human pace anyway, to try and catch up with it. Several turns later and I can still see it just ahead of me. That makes me follow it even more carefully. Then it is gone as quickly as it came. I look and look and there is nothing there to find. This is disheartening. I stand still for a bit. I notice various members of the Cullen family pass by. Alice gives my hand a squeeze. Esme gives me a hug. Carlisle pats my shoulder. Jasper only gives me a small smile of encouragement. Emmett give me a goofy grin and a thumbs up. Even Rosalie gives me a small wave to show support. Not too long after that Edward is once more at my side. He takes my hand again. We start back towards the hotel. The management would notice if I didn't come back at night. This small delay is worth it though because I had to ask about Tori.

I make it to my room. Edward and the rest of the Cullen family disappeared into the night to keep on looking. All I have to do is get to the window and slip out to keep looking. Something makes me glance at my bed. What I see there stops me in my tracks.


	19. JustWow

**A/N: The end is nigh, readers. This is the second to last chapter. Again, I have no second installment as of yet. Any thoughts on whether more is wanted, review and let me know.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

I can't believe it. It's just…wow. If I were human, I would pass out.

"Hello Bella," the familiar voice greets me.

"Hi…" Why can't I say more? I am usually more eloquent.

"Tell me something, how is the journey going for you?" the voice continues.

"Well, I see you haven't died, so I would say pretty well in terms of fulfilling my plan," I finally find my vocabulary.

"I have a small confession to make. I am not really going to the Volturi. How did you think I would get around Aro's ability?" Tori asks me.

"I figured that you would try and pick a fight and get killed before getting to that point," even as I say this I see how ridiculous it sounds.

"Like that would have worked. Even Jane is too afraid of the consequences to do something like that and she has a temper to rival Caesar," Tori laughs softly at the thought of that. I can't help but smile a little.

"Then why did you put me though all of this?" I ask, suddenly a little miffed at my friend.

"How else were you going to realize that that family really is sorry about what happened? They don't even know me enough to say that I changed from the vindictive Victoria that they knew before. I was not a good person when we last crossed paths. I helped James hunt you down. I distracted them from the true path he was taking. They could have just let me go. But the good doctor took care of me and the others sat with me. They did that for you. They really do love you. You and Edward really are meant to be. The timing is right this time. You would not have given them a chance to prove that they are there for you no matter what unless I did something drastic," Tori explains.

"But, your journal…" I start.

"I wanted you to see that you change for the person you are with. Jesse and I both changed for each other. James and I also changed for each other. That is a lesson that is really important for a relationship to work. Besides you wanted to know my story and now you do," she says that like it is no big deal.

"So, you did this so that I would get that I was being stupid about the Cullen family?" I ask incredulously.

"You can be a bit thick headed sometimes. Anyway, I like them. Maybe I'll try to go vegetarian. Fall of the grid of the Volturi so to speak. All this trying to hide our nature while needing to feed is getting on my nerves," Tori dismisses my tone.

"I have to know. Where did you live?" I ask her.

"Here, this hotel is built where my house once stood. The pub is where the old inn used to be. The park is where the orchard was. I like to go there alone. I leave flowers there because that is where I feel closest to Jesse," my friend sighs.

"You still miss him?" I am a bit surprised. Normally human memories fade when you are a vampire.

"Everyday. It was less painful when James was around, but that was probably because I was suppressing it," she just sounds so sad.

"I'm sorry," I can't think of anything else to say.

"That's why you need to get over yourself and give Edward a fair second chance," and just like that she turns the tables on me.

"You are way annoying," I inform her. And to think I was feeling bad for bringing it up.

"Please, you know that you love me. Are you going to corral the searchers or do you want me to freak them out a bit?" she changes the subject.

"Oh, I probably should go and tell them that I found you," I sigh.

"Actually, I found you to be exact. Why don't you just call them?" she grins that mischievous grin that tells me she really knows the answer.

"Because I didn't think about it and I wasn't sure I wanted them to have my number," I stick out my tongue at her.

I head out to catch up with any member of the Cullen family that I can find first. It does not take long to find Alice. She looks at me, confused.

"Hey Alice, we can call the search off. Tori turned up," I tell her.

"REALLY?" Alice squeals.

"I'm glad you are happy for me. I just wish you didn't feel the need to shatter every eardrum in this country to show it," I laugh.

"I'm just relieved that she is alive. You might have left us if she did not make it. We would remind you of the worst times with her," Alice pouts.

"I see you have put some thought into that," I comment.

"Bella you have to know that if I knew what he had said I would not have left you like that. In fact I only left to keep tabs on Edward. I just saw him trying time and time again to kill himself. I knew he would find a way to do it. I am so sorry. I know nothing that I say can erase what happened and how awful I was for leaving, but I just want to you really know that I feel terrible and am so very sorry. If I could go back and change things, I would," the words all rush out much to fast for any human around us to hear. I bet if Alice could cry, she would.

"I forgive you Alice. Let's just drop it," I say to end the torrent. I really mean it. What happened is in the past and I would like it to stay there. Tori is right, I need to get over myself and this is a good first step. I just hope the whole family does not feel the need to drag this out.

"That's a relief. I just know things will be different this time," she says that so confidently.

"It had better be because there won't be a next time," I warn her. Just because I forgive them does not mean that they didn't do anything wrong and we will fall back to the way things were.

The other members of the Cullen family join us on our way back to the hotel. I'm not surprised that they heard Alice. When we get there, we are informed at the front desk that Tori bought the whole floor for us. She is actually going to pay to have the whole floor always open for us. I can't begrudge her this thing though because it makes it to where she can visit her home whenever she wants. I like to visit Phoenix and Forks when I can. Well, Forks more than Phoenix for obvious reasons, but still. It's good to have a home that you can visit when you need to.


	20. Speechless

**A/N: Wow, way to pay attention to myself. It has been brought to my attention that I accidentally posted the same chapter content twice. Sorry about that. Here is the real last chapter.**

**I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters.**

**BELLA**

It's been several months since Tori and I joined the Cullen family. Things are going well I guess. Edward and I are on better ground but we are still working out our issues. Tori is really taking to the vegetarian diet. Esme has really made an effort to make Tori feel like a real part of the family. For some reason Rosalie and I are getting along rather well. We girls like to play pranks on the boys. We basically kick ass in prank wars. Emmett thinks that he can try to outwit us. Jasper takes it all in stride like only Jasper can. Edward is happy that I am giving him another chance. Things would be going better there if he dropped some of the self-loathing crap.

Today is a special day. One year ago today Tori lead me here to teach me about changing for the ones you love and second chances. In order to celebrate, we are all back here. Tori was planning on making the journey by herself, but the rest of us want to support her. I can't believe that she still feels so strongly about Jesse. It's like their bond never ended, even with his death. I know that she usually goes to the park alone, but this time I convinced her to let me tag along. We make it to the bench that Tori likes best. There is a couple there acting like they should be in the privacy of their own home. All it takes is a small cough and twin glares to make them scamper off in search of another place to hide out. We sit down and Tori takes in her surroundings. She turns to say something to me when she freezes. I follow her gaze over my shoulder and have to turn to see what made her act like that. Halfway in the shadows stands a man that looks about Tori's age. He has dark brown hair and piercing brown eyes. Wait a minute that color is the color that a vampire's eye would be if they ate like we do. He is tall and lanky. Actually he is gorgeous in a way that can only indicate that he is in fact a vampire like his eyes suggest.

"Hello Tori," he says that like he is greeting the only love of his life. His eyes tell the same story.

"…Jesse…" is Tori's reply. No way. Could it really be her Jesse?

"I've missed you so," he whispers.

"But…I thought…" my friend is completely out to sea. I am not much help as I find myself completely speechless.

"You believed that I was dead," Jesse says gently. He comes forward and takes Tori's hand. I should give them space, but I can't move.

"Well, yes. How is it that you escaped James' attentions?" Tori sounds a little more sure of herself with the contact with Jesse.

"James wanted you so badly because you were difficult to attain. You and I were so in love that you did not even slightly respond to his advances. He knew that he could never catch your attention in the way that he wanted as long as I was alive. You were too good of a challenge for him to pass up. He wanted me to suffer because I was an obstacle. He methodically used his teeth to make the gashes look like a wolf attack. I could see the bloodlust in his eyes. I don't know how he willed himself to go slow enough to give me that much pain. A group of villagers came around before he could suck me dry. He ran off and did not have an opportunity to finish his task with me. When the villagers found me, I was at death's door. They thought that I was dead and went to report it. I did not think that I would make it myself. The doctor was with a woman that was having problems during the last bit of her pregnancy. He had to stay there for a few days to help her through. I was lying in the mortuary while he was away.

The burning was beyond anything that I have ever felt, but then you know the feeling of the change. I don't know how I remained quiet. The last day that I suffered, I barely heard something over the roar of the fire. I heard of the fate of your family. When I finished changing, I escaped the town. I did not leave though. I had to know what happened to you. I heard that your parents had been mutilated like I had been, but that you had simply vanished. The townsfolk thought that the beast took you off for a later meal. I knew better though. I figured that James had enticed you to go with him in the hopes of avenging my death by becoming a vampire like him. I searched and searched, but every single time I got close to you, James spirited you two away. I would have stopped altogether if you had been truly happy with him. But you were changed and it did not suite you. I had to ask you myself, but I could not bring myself to approach you after James' death.

Bella touched your human side that fateful day in the forest. I saw you, but was too amazed to do anything. It is your human side that I love the best. I did not find you again until I saw you here last year. I stayed here when I found out that you visited here. I knew you would be back. I have always loved you. When I changed that love only amplified and the bond grew stronger. Is there any way that we could try again?" Jesse explained everything. Tori just looks at him.

"I have never stopped loving you. I have felt our bond every day. James and I were not anything like what love makes you. Please know that if I had known that you were out there, I would have left James and searched for however long it would have taken to find you," Tori melts into Jesse's embrace.

I am so happy for my dear friend. She really deserves this happy ending. Especially since she had so many years of unhappiness with James, even though she did not really know how unhappy she was until he was gone and she could be herself again. I can't believe that James was interrupted. That was a good thing for Jesse. Now they can have a second chance, just like what she fought so hard for me and Edward. It's interesting that he called her Tori. She started to go by that after I changed. Maybe it was to keep close to her Jesse's memories, but it worked out well. The Cullen family is going to flip out when we bring Jesse home and explain who he is…

**A/N: Well? I've been asked about a second installment. I'm not sure at this point. Thoughts? Also, the hair color is on purpose.**


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